I sigh as I finish my patrol and realize that now I am once again off duty. I wonder what I will do with myself tonight, I could go home I suppose but though that is sanctuary from the hostile glares and disapproving looks, it would be hiding. My wandering feet take me down the familiar streets to the Gazebo, a favorite place to watch the people of the city when I am not on patrol. I figure I should be wandering the walls about now, and I will later, but for now I feel the need to think. I sit on the marble bench and finger my bruised chin, a beautifully painful shade of purple blue about now and grin with a shake of my head. That blow bloody hurt and a small part of me, the weak part I am trying to kill, was glad for the interruption. I have no doubt that she was holding back a great deal with that blow, she could have easily taken be out, either knocking me out or killing me if that was her wish and I know now that this is going to be a process that will make me question just how strong I truly am. Feeling the wind blow across my uncovered face I question the path I am on yet again.
Why am I doing this? Why am I even here, armed and armored in the Militia. The answer was so clear when it all began, I was going to help people, I was going to be someone others could look to and they would all see that I was worth something. They would see that it didn't matter if I was a woman or not, it didn't matter that I was small. Now though, my biggest weakness seems to be my need to be nice. Maybe I need to get beyond these walls, the city is starting to stifle again. Then again with the way things are going there is no way I can get away, I can just imagine how I would feel if there was an attack and I wasn't here, besides I need to train. I finger my jaw again sigh, there is so much to learn so much to do and yet what will I think when the training really begins. I hope I am not too slow a learner, I chuckle under my breath, I would hate to see the inside of that infirmary more often then absolutely necessary.
As I sit brooding I almost miss a familiar couple of faces in the crowd and by the time I see them it is too late. Lyra and Gareth both accost me and shatter my few moments of peace, Lyra looking like she bit something unpleasant who is followed by Gareth, looking like a determined overgrown mother hen lumbering behind. As they turn towards me I cannot help a frustrated sigh forgetting for the moment that the lower half of my face makes it look like I ran into a brick wall. Lyra looks as though she is about to make a snide comment when Gareth beats her to it, "Shar, what happened?" he asks in an overly loud voice making me wince as I see heads turn. I stand and turn to go saying quietly, "Nothing happened Gareth, there is no need to worry I am fine." He looks furious at this answer and I begin to wonder if hiding would be a good idea after all, less of this ridiculous mess, I am honestly beginning to wonder if they are stalking me. Not that that would surprise me, no matter how enthusiastically they say they don't want me. I begin moving away, trying to get out of that space before they can follow or at the least leading them away from the crowds. They stick to me as though they had tethers and I cannot help cursing under my breath. At least it will get a bit more private and I lead them to the park silently as the two of them berate me the entire way.
Finally we reach a quiet corner of the park and taking a quick look around I am pleased to see that there is no one in sight, not that that means we are alone of course. There is never true privacy in this city, even behind locked doors, little old ladies listen at keyholes for their daily dose of drama. Turing I see the two getting more and more upset, the volume on their combined tirades rising and am happy to see that they are both out of breath. I did make sure to keep the speed up for a reason. "Shut up," I say, just loud enough that it cuts over their voices but by no means yelling. They fall silent looking surprised and offended. Before they can begin again I cross my arms and look them over. "This will stop, I am very tired of the two of you hunting me down and inserting yourselves into my business. I no longer need answer to you, or our parents, or anyone else who is not a superior officer. I don't care how much my choices have hindered you. You and the rest of the family made it more than plain that I was an embarrassment and was never to bother the lot of you again. Now who is bothering whom?" I say all of this quietly with an expression as devoid of emotion as I can manage, I am sure the bruise helps matters particularly as it hurts to move my mouth, that and the still healing wounds from the goblin and rebel attacks.
It takes them both a moment to recover, Lyra finding her poisonous tongue first, "Oh yes, of course and you are doing so well on your own. You look like you have been in a bar fight and lost." I shrug at her words but she continues. "You have yet to be back home, even for a visit. You run away from us when we try to speak to you, you don't even try to catch a man." she pauses here and a crafty look enters her eyes, "Or is that who," she is interrupted by my laughter, I can't help it I cannot stop laughing. The look on their faces as I laugh just makes it harder to stop and leaves me sitting on the ground holding my sides as I try and catch my breath. When I have finally calmed down I look up at the two of them and shake my head. "No, this isn't from a man, nor is it from a bar fight. Although truly it is none of your business." they both look rather unhappy with that. "Now, I will say this once and not again. I will talk to you whenever I am not on duty and if you speak in a civil tongue. Lyra, I know what you think of me and honestly I don't care. Gareth, the big bad world will always be out to get me, I am working to get it back. I don't need protection from words or hurt feelings, and I do not need a man." the last is more growled than spoken.
My prudish older sister's face has the tint of an overripe tomato by this point and my brother looks ready to wilt but I am done playing, standing I am about to leave when Lyra grabs my arm. Looking down at the offending appendage I then allow my eyes to travel up her arm and eventually rest upon her eyes, "Let go." my words are deadly quiet. She removes her hand but moves to stand in front of me. Obviously she isn't finished. "I was more than ready to drop you dear sister," she says bitterly, "I cannot see why anyone would want you, you do nothing but shame the family." she then glances at Gareth then back at me, "However, not all of the family thinks you are a lost cause and have decided to change your mind, forcefully if necessary." with that she turns away with her nose in the air and stalks off. This actually has me somewhat worried, not that they will do me any true harm physically, I can now likely take everything the worst of them can do and return it ten fold, no what worries me is that they can do my career harm.
It does not take me long to realize that I am still not alone, turning I see my brother looking like a cross between angry and sad. "Why are you doing this Shar? Why don't you just act like the girl you are and not try to be something else?" I take a long look at him before I answer, "I am being nothing more or less then what I am Gareth and the sooner you and the rest realize that, the happier everyone concerned will be." I turn to walk away and his parting words hit my ear, "She is right you know, the family isn't going to give up." I continue walking, not rising to the bait he cast but I do worry.
